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Dear Fellow Traveler: My dog jumped into the bed early. Thunder must have hit around 6 am. She was looking out the window as the sun started to rise. When I said her name, she wagged her tail. When I said “Good girl,” she wagged her tail. When I said, “Squirrel…” she jumped up… excited… The way she looked out the window,… it was like she was dreaming… BIG. Imagine if she could share her ideas with us. Imagine if a Venture Capital firm would fund them… Just run with this… Imagine it’s 2020 again. Money is cheap, valuations are sky-high, and somewhere in Silicon Valley, a bull pit in designer glasses is pitching the next unicorn to Sand Hill Road. Sound absurd? After witnessing companies raise billions to roll trucks downhill and trademark the word "We," maybe it's not so far-fetched after all. Here are three startup pitches from our hypothetical canine Elon Musk… And why Elsie would have absolutely crushed it during the zero-interest-rate era. Every idea needs a pitch… a problem… and a solution… Squirrel AIThe Pitch: Why should dogs waste energy chasing squirrels when technology can make them fall on command? This new technology deploys predictive drone telemetry and precision sound pulse technology to create controlled squirrel displacement events. It's pest control meets pure canine joy delivery. The Problem: 89 million dogs in America are severely underserved in the squirrel-catching department. The Solution: Air-to-branch rattling as a subscription service. Why VCs Would Bite: In a world where Nikola raised $3 billion with a truck that rolled downhill, a gravity-based animal control platform sounds downright reasonable. Plus, think of the expansion. What about pigeons? Cats? The sky's literally the limit. FETCHBASEThis is a Self-Throwing Ball. Also, it’s a therapist. The Pitch: What if your fetch toy understood your deepest emotional needs? FETCHBASE would combine autonomous ball-launching technology with advanced bark pattern analysis to deliver personalized play therapy. It's ChatGPT for canines, but with actual physical exercise. The Problem: Dogs are emotionally neglected and chronically under-exercised. The Solution: AI-powered mental health through strategic ball deployment. Market Size: Every dog with separation anxiety. So basically, all of them. Why VCs Would Bit: Mental health tech was hot. Pet tech was hot. Add some AI and a subscription model, and you've got a Series A deck that writes itself. We're not just “disrupting fetch” We’d be revolutionizing the human-canine emotional bond. NoiseTimeMaking your doorbell a new activity… The Pitch: Dogs don't want peace and quiet. They crave controlled chaos. NoiseTime would be the world's first content streaming platform designed specifically for canine auditory preferences, featuring curated playlists of doorbells, delivery trucks, and suspicious footsteps. The Problem: Bored dogs become destructive dogs. The Solution: On-demand auditory stimulation with bark-along features and reactive feedback loops. This is Netflix for dogs, but louder and more annoying to humans. Why VCS Would Bite: The pet industry is worth $100 billion. The streaming economy is worth $500 billion. This sits right at the intersection, plus it has better engagement metrics than most human content platforms. Why These Would Actually Get FundedDuring the 2010-2022 zero-interest-rate era, capital was abundant, and business model scrutiny was optional. When money is essentially free, investors can afford to bet on optionality over execution. That’s what gives us countless SPACs and businesses that have no business being public. Back in the era of “cheap money”:
Low interest rates increase the appetite for risk and reward, novel concepts that capture attention. So, imagine how dogs and technology would have viral potential. And viral potential is what creates insane valuation multiples. Consider what actually got funded in the last few years:
By comparison, our canine startup portfolio would offer:
These aren't just jokes. They're functionally superior to half of what went public in 2020. They solve real problems, serve passionate user bases, and leverage technology in genuinely innovative ways. Under a loose monetary policy, you absolutely would have seen these three ideas ringing the opening bell at the NYSE while a Corgi CEO barked the opening trade. And honestly? We probably would have all been better off. In the meantime… BRRRRRRRRRRR. Stay positive, Garrett Baldwin About Me and the Money Printer Me and the Money Printer is a daily publication covering the financial markets through three critical equations. We track liquidity (money in the financial system), momentum (where money is moving in the system), and insider buying (where Smart Money at companies is moving their money). Combining these elements with a deep understanding of central banking and how the global system works has allowed us to navigate financial cycles and boost our probability of success as investors and traders. This insight is based on roughly 17 years of intensive academic work at four universities, extensive collaboration with market experts, and the joy of trial and error in research. You can take a free look at our worldview and thesis right here. Disclaimer Nothing in this email should be considered personalized financial advice. While we may answer your general customer questions, we are not licensed under securities laws to guide your investment situation. Do not consider any communication between you and Florida Republic employees as financial advice. The communication in this letter is for information and educational purposes unless otherwise strictly worded as a recommendation. Model portfolios are tracked to showcase a variety of academic, fundamental, and technical tools, and insight is provided to help readers gain knowledge and experience. Readers should not trade if they cannot handle a loss and should not trade more than they can afford to lose. There are large amounts of risk in the equity markets. Consider consulting with a professional before making decisions with your money.
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